ENTERTAINMENT
A Great Movie
A: Did you see “Titanic”?
B: Yes. It is a great movie.
A: I saw it twelve times.
B: I saw it eight times.
A: I have the DVD.
B: So do I.
A: Let’s go to your home.
B: We can watch my DVD.
A: And then we can go to my home.
B: And watch your DVD.
A: I always cry at the end.
B: Me too. It’s so sad.
A Card Game
A: Let’s play cards.
B: I don’t know any card games.
A: I’ll teach you one.
B: Okay. What will you teach me?
A: It’s called poker.
B: Is it easy to learn?
A: Yes, it will only take about 30 minutes.
B: Okay. Teach me how to play.
A: We each get five cards.
B: Oh, look. I have four tens.
A: That’s great, but you’re not supposed to tell me.
B: Oh. Sorry. Okay, I don’t have four tens.
I Have Four Aces
A: I’m a good card player.
B: Why is that?
A: Because I watch the other players.
B: What do you mean?
A: People will “tell” you if they have a good hand.
B: How do they do that?
A: For example, a friend of mine licks his lips.
B: When he licks his lips, you know he has a good hand?
A: I know he has a good hand, so I don’t bet.
B: He never wins your money?
A: Nope, and it drives him crazy.
B: He knows you can’t read his mind. Maybe he thinks you’re cheating.
Too Much Volume
A: Turn the radio down, please.
B: But I’m listening to it.
A: Well, listen to it more quietly.
B: I can’t wait till I grow up.
A: What will you do?
B: I will play the radio as loud as I want.
A: That’s okay with me.
B: I will have a radio in every room of my house.
A: Remind me to never visit you.
B: All the radios will be on extra loud.
A: Your neighbors will hate you.
B: If they don’t like it, they can move.
Don’t Waste Your Money
A: I hope I win the lotto.
B: Your chances are very small.
A: But you can’t win if you don’t play.
B: Ha! You can’t win if you do play.
A: Someone has to win.
B: That’s what everyone says.
A: It might as well be me.
B: That’s what everyone says.
A: You’re trying to tell me something.
B: That didn’t take long.
A: You think I should quit playing.
B: Save your money for school.
Rained Out
A: What’s on TV?
B: Nothing much.
A: What about the baseball game?
B: It got rained out.
A: Rained out?
B: Yes, rained out.
A: How could that be?
B: Well, you can’t play baseball in a rainstorm.
A: I thought they were playing under a dome.
B: The dome doesn’t close.
A: Why doesn’t it close?
B: Who knows? They said they’ll fix it before next season.
A Sip of Coffee
A: Can I try your coffee?
B: Sure. Here you go.
A: Hmm, that’s not bad.
B: There’s nothing in it.
A: What do you mean?
B: I mean, it’s just coffee.
A: I figured that.
B: It’s not too bitter for you?
A: It’s a little bitter, but it’s okay.
B: There’s no sugar or cream in it.
A: No, it’s a taste you have to get used to.
B: Sort of like beer.
A Chilly Day
A: Let’s take a walk.
B: What’s the weather like?
A: Let me step outside and see.
B: It’s a little chilly, right?
A: Yes, it is.
B: I’ll put on my cap.
A: Wear a jacket, too.
B: I wonder if I should bring my gloves.
A: Maybe you should, just in case it gets colder.
B: I’ll put a glove in each pocket.
A: We’ll get warmer as we walk.
B: Yes, but it gets colder as the sun goes down.
A Crazy Driver
A: Look at the car chase on TV!
B: That driver is crazy.
A: I can’t believe he hasn’t crashed.
B: How fast is he going?
A: They say he’s going 80 miles per hour.
B: He’s going to kill someone.
A: Look! He just hit that car.
B: Oh, my goodness. No one is safe on the streets.
A: Now he’s slowing down.
B: Maybe he ran out of gas.
A: Look! He just got out of the car and started running.
B: I hope the police catch him.
It Isn’t News
A: TV news is so stupid.
B: They shouldn’t even call it news.
A: Last night they told us about a cat in a sofa.
B: Yesterday they told us about a dog in a pipe.
A: Last week they told us about a bear in a back yard.
B: Last month they told us about a mouse in a restaurant.
A: The weatherman tells us the temperature in every town.
B: The sports guy shows us players fighting.
A: They always tell us “what’s next.”
B: They always make “what’s next” sound exciting, but it never is.
A: It’s more like news for kids.
B: They should have kid reporters.
The Great Wall
A: I love my computer.
B: Computers are so cool.
A: I love to go online.
B: The Internet is amazing.
A: You can travel all over the world.
B: I know. I went to China yesterday.
A: What did you do?
B: I stood on the Great Wall and looked all around.
A: What was it like?
B: It was like the real thing.
A: It was like being there?
B: Yes, I felt like I was actually there.
The Beatles
A: The Beatles are the best.
B: They are the best musical group ever.
A: I love all their songs.
B: I don’t know which one I like the best.
A: I like the ones I can sing along with.
B: So do I, like “She Loves You.”
A: “She loves you, Yeah, yeah, yeah!...”
B: “…And you know you should be glad!”
A: What a great song.
B: How about “Let It Be”?
A: Oh, yes! “Let it be, let it be…”
B: “…There will be an answer, let it be!”
See a Movie
A: Let’s go to a movie.
B: I’d rather not.
A: Why not?
B: You know I don’t like crowds.
A: Let’s go to an early movie.
B: Okay, that won’t be very crowded.
A: What would you like to see?
B: Oh, I don’t care. You’re the one who wants to go out.
A: Well, I want to see “The Pursuit of Happyness.”
B: What have you heard about it?
A: It’s based on a true story about a divorced man and his young son.
B: Well, I hope it has a happy ending.
People-Watching
A: What’s your favorite thing to do?
B: I like to watch people.
A: That’s your favorite thing to do?
B: Well, it’s one of them.
A: Where do you go to watch people?
B: My girlfriend and I sit outside Starbucks.
A: That sounds like a good spot.
B: We watch people walk by with their dogs.
A: I guess you see lots of different dogs.
B: We don’t even know what kind most of them are.
A: There are lots of different kinds, but they all have one thing in common.
B: Yes, they love to sniff each other when they meet.
Free Money
A: They call him Father Dollar Bill.
B: Yes, he was on the TV news today.
A: Every Easter Sunday he gives away money.
B: Is it his money?
A: No. Movie stars give him money to give to homeless people.
B: How much money does he give away?
A: This year he gave away $15,000.
B: That’s a lot of money.
A: He gave $100 to people in wheelchairs.
B: What about the other homeless people?
A: They got $1 each.
B: People stood in line just to get one dollar?!
Old Movies
A: Old movies are the best.
B: Even though they’re in black and white.
A: A good story is more important than color.
B: Actors didn’t curse back then.
A: And there was no violence.
B: People today don’t like that.
A: No, today people like lots of action.
B: I like a good story.
A: I like to see actors who are like real people.
B: Like real people with real problems.
A: They still make movies like that.
B: Yes, but they never make much money.
Something for Nothing
A: Do you get PBS on TV?
B: Yes, everybody gets the Public Broadcasting System.
A: It puts me to sleep.
B: Tell me about it.
A: A gardening show follows a knitting show.
B: A cooking show follows a sewing show.
A: A travel show follows another travel show.
B: I'll say! I've gone around the world a dozen times already!
A: Now they're adding old TV shows to the old movies.
B: I sure would like to see something interesting for a
change.
A: If more people donate money, PBS could offer new shows.
B: Who wants to donate? Public TV should be free.
Judge Judy
A: I love to watch "Judge Judy."
B: Is that a TV show?
A: Yes. It's on every afternoon.
B: What's so good about it?
A: They have interesting lawsuits.
B: Such as?
A: Yesterday, a woman complained about a cell phone she bought on eBay.
B: Was something wrong with the phone?
A: It works only in Canada.
B: Did the seller know that?
A: Yes, and he didn't tell the buyer.
B: I hope Judge Judy made the seller take the phone back.
B: Is that a TV show?
A: Yes. It's on every afternoon.
B: What's so good about it?
A: They have interesting lawsuits.
B: Such as?
A: Yesterday, a woman complained about a cell phone she bought on eBay.
B: Was something wrong with the phone?
A: It works only in Canada.
B: Did the seller know that?
A: Yes, and he didn't tell the buyer.
B: I hope Judge Judy made the seller take the phone back.
A Good Singer
A: That woman is a very good singer.
B: Yes, but she looks like a man.
A: What difference does it make?
B: Female singers are supposed to be pretty.
A: Singers are supposed to sound good.
B: They should look good, too.
A: There are lots of ugly men singers.
B: Men singers don’t have to look good.
A: Then neither do women singers.
B: Well, I would never buy her CD.
A: But you would buy her CD if she was pretty?
B: Yes. I would buy all of her CDs.
B: Yes, but she looks like a man.
A: What difference does it make?
B: Female singers are supposed to be pretty.
A: Singers are supposed to sound good.
B: They should look good, too.
A: There are lots of ugly men singers.
B: Men singers don’t have to look good.
A: Then neither do women singers.
B: Well, I would never buy her CD.
A: But you would buy her CD if she was pretty?
B: Yes. I would buy all of her CDs.
Going Digital
A: All the TV stations are going to go digital.
B: Yes, that will occur next month.
A: Most of them are already broadcasting in digital.
B: The digital signal is very clear.
A: Oh, no, it isn’t!
B: What do you mean?
A: I can’t get a single channel.
B: Do you have a digital TV?
A: Of course. But I don’t have cable.
B: You don’t need to have cable, but you do need a good antenna.
A: But I have rabbit ears.
B: Rabbit ears aren’t strong enough. Buy a digital antenna.
B: Yes, that will occur next month.
A: Most of them are already broadcasting in digital.
B: The digital signal is very clear.
A: Oh, no, it isn’t!
B: What do you mean?
A: I can’t get a single channel.
B: Do you have a digital TV?
A: Of course. But I don’t have cable.
B: You don’t need to have cable, but you do need a good antenna.
A: But I have rabbit ears.
B: Rabbit ears aren’t strong enough. Buy a digital antenna.
ABOUT HEALTH
A Stomachache
A: I have a stomachache.
B: Is it something you ate?
A: Maybe. I’m not sure.
B: What did you have for breakfast?
A: The usual, cereal with milk and a banana.
B: Maybe the milk was bad.
A: It didn’t smell bad.
B: Maybe the banana was bad.
A: No, the banana was delicious.
B: Maybe you just need to go to the bathroom.
A: No, that’s not the problem.
B: Maybe it will go away in a little while.
A Blood Stain
A: What’s this stain?
B: I don’t know.
A: It looks like blood.
B: I think my nose was bleeding.
A: You should wet your shirt immediately.
B: Why?
A: Because that gets the blood out of the shirt.
B: What’s a little blood?
A: Your white shirt is ruined.
B: So, I’ll just buy another one.
A: You can wear this one around the house.
B: Next time I’ll soak it immediately.
Sore Fingers
A: My fingers hurt.
B: Why do they hurt?
A: I type too much.
B: You should take a break.
A: I need to type to make money.
B: But typing is causing you pain.
A: Maybe I should see a doctor.
B: Doctors are too expensive.
A: He might tell me to rest for a while.
B: He might want to cut you open.
A: He might say I’m okay.
B: He might say you have bone cancer.
Too Much Stress
A: What did the doctor say?
B: He thinks I have too much stress.
A: Stress causes your stomachaches?
B: Stress causes different problems with different people.
A: So what did he tell you to do?
B: He said I need to think positive.
A: He didn’t give you any medication?
B: I hate medication. It makes me feel different.
A: So how do you think positive?
B: I think about nice things.
A: Like what?
B: Like a day at the beach, with my toes in the sand.
A Paper Cut
A: I cut my finger.
B: How did you do that?
A: It’s a paper cut.
B: Paper can be dangerous.
A: It hurts, too.
B: Paper cuts can hurt a lot.
A: Where are the band-aids?
B: I think they’re in the medicine cabinet.
A: It’s on the tip of my finger.
B: A band-aid might not work.
A: I must not use this finger until the cut heals.
B: It might take a day or two to heal.
Cigarette Smoke
A: Do you smell that?
B: Oh, yes.
A: I can’t stand cigarette smoke.
B: It smells so bad.
A: One cigarette stinks up the whole sidewalk.
B: Smokers think they are so cool.
A: They are so weak.
B: A little cigarette controls them.
A: They look so stupid taking a puff.
B: And then they blow smoke out of their mouth.
A: They think it’s cool.
B: Cigarettes stink.
Nose Drops
A: Do you have a cold?
B: Yes, I do.
A: How did you get it?
B: My sister had a cold. She gave it to me.
A: Have you taken anything for your cold?
B: No, I just blow my nose a lot.
A: Your nose is stopped up?
B: Yes. I have to breathe through my mouth.
A: Have you tried nose drops?
B: No, I don’t like nose drops.
A: They work great.
B: I don’t care. I don’t like to put drops in my nose.
Skin Cancer
A: Would you put suntan lotion on my back, please?
B: Sure.
A: Thank you.
B: You shouldn’t lie in the sun for too long.
A: I want to get a tan. I don’t want to look so pale.
B: What’s wrong with looking pale?
A: People think you might be sick.
B: Who thinks that?
A: I don’t know.
B: It’s better to be pale than to have skin cancer.
A: I know that.
B: So why are you arguing with me? Don’t lie in the sun too long!
Quitting Smoking
A: I can’t quit smoking.
B: Of course you can.
A: I don’t have enough will power.
B: Of course you do.
A: I wish I had never started.
B: So does every smoker.
A: I’ve tried to quit so many times.
B: So has everyone else.
A: Nothing seems to work.
B: All it takes is will power, and you have it.
A: Then why can’t I quit?
B: You have to believe in yourself.
A Bad Back
A: My back is killing me.
B: What did you do?
A: I got out of my car.
B: That’s it?
A: I injured my back one time just by sneezing.
B: You should see a doctor.
A: My doctor said I need surgery.
B: So?
A: So, forget it.
B: You don’t have the money?
A: I have no insurance.
B: Maybe a back rub would help.
Three a Day
A: My brother smokes three packs a day.
B: Three packs of what?
A: Cigarettes, of course.
B: How can he do that?
A: When he is almost finished with one cigarette, he uses it to light another.
B: He’s a chain smoker.
A: He’s been a chain smoker for 30 years.
B: That’s unbelievable. Can he still breathe?
A: He can, but the people around him can’t.
B: How can he still be alive?
A: His doctor says his heart and lungs are strong and healthy.
B: Maybe I should start smoking.
Brush, Brush
A: I hate brushing my teeth.
B: It’s such a chore.
A: Brush, brush. Spit, spit.
B: What did they do in the old days?
A: They brushed with their fingers.
B: They also ate with their fingers!
A: Why do they call it the good old days?
B: Maybe because they didn’t have to brush and floss.
A: Who invented flossing?
B: A dentist, I’m sure.
A: I hate flossing more than brushing!
B: I can’t wait till all my teeth fall out.
A Hot Hike
A: Let's stop for a while. I need a break and some water.
B: This trail is hard to climb.
A: Especially on a hot day like this.
B: I can't believe we haven't seen any animals.
A: Thank goodness! I don't want to see any wild animals.
B: All we've seen so far is a couple of lizards.
A: We're hiking to lose weight, not to see goats and bears.
B: I bet I've lost a couple of pounds already.
A: All you've lost is some sweat.
B: I haven't even lost one pound of fat?
A: If you want to lose fat, you've got to do this hike every day.
B: Okay, but let's hike in town. At least there are cats and dogs to see.
B: This trail is hard to climb.
A: Especially on a hot day like this.
B: I can't believe we haven't seen any animals.
A: Thank goodness! I don't want to see any wild animals.
B: All we've seen so far is a couple of lizards.
A: We're hiking to lose weight, not to see goats and bears.
B: I bet I've lost a couple of pounds already.
A: All you've lost is some sweat.
B: I haven't even lost one pound of fat?
A: If you want to lose fat, you've got to do this hike every day.
B: Okay, but let's hike in town. At least there are cats and dogs to see.
Another Pimple
A: Oh no, another pimple on my face.
B: Pimples suck.
A: It seems like I get a new pimple almost every day.
B: Maybe it's something in your diet.
A: No, I eat the same things day after day.
B: Then maybe it's in your genes.
A: You might be right.
B: Do pimples run in your family?
A: Not that I've noticed.
B: Well, maybe it's from the pollution in the air.
A: Whatever the cause, I hate seeing them on my face.
B: Well, on the bright side, they're fun to pop.
B: Pimples suck.
A: It seems like I get a new pimple almost every day.
B: Maybe it's something in your diet.
A: No, I eat the same things day after day.
B: Then maybe it's in your genes.
A: You might be right.
B: Do pimples run in your family?
A: Not that I've noticed.
B: Well, maybe it's from the pollution in the air.
A: Whatever the cause, I hate seeing them on my face.
B: Well, on the bright side, they're fun to pop.
No Need to Worry
A: Do you believe everything you hear?
B: I don't believe anything I don't see with my own eyes.
A: You can't believe what you hear on TV or radio.
B: You can't believe what you read in the newspapers.
A: Everyone tells you a different story about the same thing.
B: Three different people will give you three different stories.
A: And the government will give you a fourth story.
B: Yes, like the government says not to worry about the swine flu.
A: But the swine flu just killed 20 people in Mexico.
B: The government says we have nothing to worry about.
A: Then why are some schools telling the kids to stay home?
B: The government says to wash our hands frequently, and we'll all be okay.
B: I don't believe anything I don't see with my own eyes.
A: You can't believe what you hear on TV or radio.
B: You can't believe what you read in the newspapers.
A: Everyone tells you a different story about the same thing.
B: Three different people will give you three different stories.
A: And the government will give you a fourth story.
B: Yes, like the government says not to worry about the swine flu.
A: But the swine flu just killed 20 people in Mexico.
B: The government says we have nothing to worry about.
A: Then why are some schools telling the kids to stay home?
B: The government says to wash our hands frequently, and we'll all be okay.
Use a Tissue
A: Don’t pick your nose.
B: I wasn’t picking my nose.
A: What were you doing?
B: I was scratching my nose.
A: I think I know the difference between picking and scratching.
B: Okay, mom, maybe I was picking it a little bit.
A: Use a tissue next time.
B: I didn’t have a tissue.
A: Then wait till you find a tissue.
B: I couldn’t wait. It was an emergency.
A: Oh, really? Maybe you should have called 911.
B: It wasn’t that kind of emergency.
B: I wasn’t picking my nose.
A: What were you doing?
B: I was scratching my nose.
A: I think I know the difference between picking and scratching.
B: Okay, mom, maybe I was picking it a little bit.
A: Use a tissue next time.
B: I didn’t have a tissue.
A: Then wait till you find a tissue.
B: I couldn’t wait. It was an emergency.
A: Oh, really? Maybe you should have called 911.
B: It wasn’t that kind of emergency.
A Dirty Remote
A: Our TV remote is filthy.
B: Yes, it’s covered with crud.
A: I’m going to clean it.
B: Don’t use water on it!
A: I’ll use a damp cloth.
B: Don’t let water get into any of the cracks.
A: I’ll squeeze the cloth so it’s almost dry.
B: Don’t rub the numbers off the remote.
A: I will rub gently but firmly.
B: Do it quickly, please, so I can change channels during commercials.
A: I’ll give it back to you in a couple of minutes.
B: Maybe we should put it in a plastic bag to keep it clean.
B: Yes, it’s covered with crud.
A: I’m going to clean it.
B: Don’t use water on it!
A: I’ll use a damp cloth.
B: Don’t let water get into any of the cracks.
A: I’ll squeeze the cloth so it’s almost dry.
B: Don’t rub the numbers off the remote.
A: I will rub gently but firmly.
B: Do it quickly, please, so I can change channels during commercials.
A: I’ll give it back to you in a couple of minutes.
B: Maybe we should put it in a plastic bag to keep it clean.
An Earful of Pain
A: My ear is killing me.
B: What’s the matter?
A: I was on a plane.
B: So?
A: So, every time the plane goes up, my ear starts to hurt.
B: That’s no good.
A: Sometimes the pain goes away, and sometimes it doesn’t.
B: Have you seen a doctor?
A: I’ve been to two doctors.
B: And they couldn’t fix your problem?
A: They both said I have to live with it.
B: Or you can stay off planes.
B: What’s the matter?
A: I was on a plane.
B: So?
A: So, every time the plane goes up, my ear starts to hurt.
B: That’s no good.
A: Sometimes the pain goes away, and sometimes it doesn’t.
B: Have you seen a doctor?
A: I’ve been to two doctors.
B: And they couldn’t fix your problem?
A: They both said I have to live with it.
B: Or you can stay off planes.
A New Face
A: Did you see the woman with the new face?
B: Did she get a nice job?
A: She got an “everything” job!
B: What do you mean?
A: A team of doctors gave her a whole new face.
B: Why did they do that?
A: A mad dog bit most of her face off.
B: Oh, that’s terrible. What does she look like now?
A: Her face is really fat, but they say the swelling will go down.
B: And then will she look normal again?
A: I guess so.
B: God bless modern medicine.
B: Did she get a nice job?
A: She got an “everything” job!
B: What do you mean?
A: A team of doctors gave her a whole new face.
B: Why did they do that?
A: A mad dog bit most of her face off.
B: Oh, that’s terrible. What does she look like now?
A: Her face is really fat, but they say the swelling will go down.
B: And then will she look normal again?
A: I guess so.
B: God bless modern medicine.
A Sore Hand
A: There’s something wrong with my right hand.
B: What’s wrong with it?
A: It aches most of the time.
B: What do you think it is?
A: I don’t know. I think it’s old age.
B: If it’s old age, why don’t both of your hands hurt?
A: That’s a good question. Maybe it’s not old age.
B: Are you right-handed?
A: Yes. All my life.
B: You’re wearing out your right hand. Stop using it so much.
A: But I do all my writing with my right hand.
B: Start typing instead. That way your left hand will do half the work.
B: What’s wrong with it?
A: It aches most of the time.
B: What do you think it is?
A: I don’t know. I think it’s old age.
B: If it’s old age, why don’t both of your hands hurt?
A: That’s a good question. Maybe it’s not old age.
B: Are you right-handed?
A: Yes. All my life.
B: You’re wearing out your right hand. Stop using it so much.
A: But I do all my writing with my right hand.
B: Start typing instead. That way your left hand will do half the work.
No comments:
Post a Comment