Ini sambungan dari postingan sebelumnya, maaf maklum agak panjang
It’s so hot
It’s so hot
A: I can’t believe how hot it is.
B: It’s not even noon yet.
A: That means it will get hotter.
B: I am dying from the heat.
A: Turn on the air conditioner.
B: It doesn’t work.
A: What happened?
B: I don’t know.
A: Did you call the repairman?
B: Of course.
A: When is he coming?
B: He’s busy. He said next week.
A Snowman
A: I’ll be glad when winter comes.
B: Why is that?
A: Because I love the snow.
B: Yes, the snow is fun.
A: Last year we made a big snowman.
B: How big was it?
A: It was seven feet tall.
B: How long did it take?
A: It took us all day.
B: Did you give him a nose?
A: Of course. We gave him a big carrot for a nose.
B: Let me help you make one this year.
The ATM
A: I’m going to the bank.
B: What do you need to do?
A: I need to withdraw some money.
B: How are you going to do that?
A: I’ll just use the ATM.
B: What’s that?
A: It’s the Automatic Teller Machine.
B: It gives you money?
A: I just insert my debit card into the machine.
B: And it gives you money?
A: Well, it gives me money, but it’s my own money.
B: Oh. What good is that? I thought it gave you free money.
Move the Blue Bin
A: Did you put the blue bin out on the street?
B: Oh, no. I forgot.
A: Well, you’d better take it out front.
B: What time does the recycle truck come by?
A: It usually gets here at noon on Tuesday, which is tomorrow.
B: I’ll just take it out to the street tomorrow morning.
A: Oh, no, you don’t.
B: What do you mean?
A: Every morning you get up late and rush off to work late.
B: Do you think I’ll forget to do it?
A: You’ll remember to do it, but you won’t have time to do it.
B: Okay, I’ll take it out front right now.
Digital TV
A: Are you ready?
B: Ready for what?
A: Ready for the big switch.
B: What are you talking about?
A: The nation is switching to digital TV.
B: Oh. Of course I’m ready.
A: Did you buy the converter?
B: No, I don’t need a converter because I bought a digital TV.
A: How much was that?
B: It was only about $120 for a 13-inch screen.
A: Does it pick up any digital channels?
B: Oh, yes. I get six Korean channels but nothing in English!
Just Shoot Me
A: People are funny.
B: They sure are.
A: Did you hear about the pilot?
B: The one that stole a small plane?
A: Yes, he stole a plane in Canada and flew into the U.S.
B: Did they catch him?
A: Yes. After two U.S. fighter jets followed him for an hour, he landed on a highway.
B: Did he crash?
A: No, he just landed the plane and walked to a restaurant.
B: Did the cops find out why he flew into the U.S.?
A: His life sucked. He was hoping a fighter jet would shoot him down.
B: Poor guy.
Don’t Be a Racist
A: The police need our help finding a robber.
B: How do you know?
A: The TV news is reporting a bank robbery.
B: Do they know what the robber looks like?
A: Yes, he’s 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, black hair, and about 30 years old.
B: What race is he?
A: They didn’t say.
B: The TV news doesn’t tell us the race anymore.
A: Of course not. That would be racist.
B: But how can we identify someone if we don’t know their race?
A: Don’t ask me.
B: Then they also shouldn’t tell us if the robber is male or female, because that is sexist.
Use a Tissue
A: Don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve.
B: But I don’t have a tissue.
A: Then go find a tissue in the bathroom.
B: I didn’t have time to get one from there.
A: Your sleeves are not tissues.
B: But Mom, all my friends use their sleeves.
A: That doesn’t make it right.
B: I saw Dad wipe his nose on his sleeve yesterday.
A: I will talk to your father about that.
B: I bet Dad did it all the time when he was my age.
A: Your daddy was a good little boy.
B: How do you know? Were you his mommy, too?
Two Little Ones
A: I’m worried.
B: Worried about what?
A: I’m getting married.
B: You should be happy, not worried.
A: I am happy, but marriage is a lot of responsibility.
B: Yes, you have to take care of your wife.
A: And I have to take care of our children.
B: Are you going to start a family?
A: Yes. We want to have a little boy and a little girl.
B: That sounds wonderful.
A: Except we can’t afford it!
B: No wonder you’re worried.
But Is It Art?
A: I don't get art.
B: Or artists.
A: They're in a different world.
B: I saw a painting of a jar that was full of pencils.
A: The artist said the jar was both full and empty.
B: But it was full of pencils! How could he say it was empty?
A: Artists see things differently.
B: Did you ever see anything that Picasso painted?
A: Of course! He's world famous.
B: Did he ever take art lessons?
A: I can't believe it. I drew paintings like that in third grade.
B: Where are they? Maybe they are worth millions.
Life Is for Living
A: What's the point?
B: The point of what?
A: Of living.
B: Who knows? You live, and then you die.
A: We must be here for some reason.
B: Maybe we're here to have fun.
A: Then why aren't I having fun?
B: Because you're thinking too much.
A: So I should stop thinking?
B: Stop thinking about what the point is.
A: Okay. I'll start thinking about having some fun.
B: Just be patient. Fun doesn't come along every five minutes.
A Tough Choice
A: Beer is a powerful drug.
B: So are cigarettes.
A: Which would you prefer?
B: What do you mean?
A: When you die and go to heaven, they will offer you beer or cigarettes.
B: I could pick only one or the other?
A: Yes. Nothing's perfect, not even in heaven.
B: Boy, that's a tough one.
A: What's so tough about it? Of course, I would pick cigarettes.
B: But cigarettes taste much better when you have a cold beer.
A: Well, you can't have everything.
B: I don't think I want to go to your heaven.
Patch It or Sew It?
A: My pants have a hole in the front pocket.
B: You shouldn't carry pens in your pocket.
A: Yesterday a pen fell through my pants onto my shoe.
B: Lucky for you it wasn't a sharp knife.
A: Who carries a sharp knife in their pocket?
B: Criminals, of course.
A: Anyway, I have to fix the hole.
B: You can sew it up or use an iron-on patch.
A: Tell me about this patch.
B: The patch has glue. The hot iron melts the glue so the patch sticks on.
A: That sounds a lot easier than sewing.
B: It is. But after about ten washings, the glue washes off.
What's So Funny?
A: Do you know any good jokes?
B: I can't remember jokes.
A: Neither can I.
B: They go in one ear and out the other.
A: Who makes up all these jokes?
B: Who knows? But there must be a hundred new ones every day.
A: Yes, just in English alone.
B: I wonder if every language has jokes.
A: Of course! People everywhere like good jokes.
B: What do you think people joke about the most?
A: I think most jokes are about women.
B: Oh, really? I think most jokes are about men!
Spanish Spoken Here
A: You're very lucky.
B: Why do you say that?
A: You speak two languages.
B: Well, my English isn't perfect.
A: No one speaks perfect English.
B: Maybe I will be the first!
A: I've been thinking about learning Spanish.
B: Spanish is easy. I'll be happy to teach you.
A: How long will it take me to learn?
B: I think it will only take you a year or two.
A: How soon can we begin?
B: Ahora! That means right now.
It's the Only Earth We've Got
A: Do you know what today is?
B: Yes, it's April 22.
A: It's more than just a date.
B: Is it your birthday or anniversary?
A: No, it's Earth Day.
B: What's that?
A: It's a yearly reminder to take care of our planet.
B: Oh, you mean like reuse things and recycle stuff?
A: Yes. We need to think green, save water, and stop using plastic bags.
B: How about if I take shorter showers?
A: That's a good idea, because showers waste a lot of water.
B: From now on I'll spend only 20 minutes in the shower.
A: It's more than just a date.
B: Is it your birthday or anniversary?
A: No, it's Earth Day.
B: What's that?
A: It's a yearly reminder to take care of our planet.
B: Oh, you mean like reuse things and recycle stuff?
A: Yes. We need to think green, save water, and stop using plastic bags.
B: How about if I take shorter showers?
A: That's a good idea, because showers waste a lot of water.
B: From now on I'll spend only 20 minutes in the shower.
No Time for Rhyme
A: Poetry sucks.
B: I don't know anyone who likes it.
A: Some of it is okay, I guess.
B: Yes, the poems that rhyme and are easy to remember.
A: Like "One, two, buckle my shoe."
B: But people still write poems.
A: No one makes any money at it.
B: Shakespeare was a poet.
A: Did he get rich from his poetry?
B: Probably not.
A: Poems are a little bit like songs.
B: Yes, but songs have music. Without music, songs would suck, too.
B: I don't know anyone who likes it.
A: Some of it is okay, I guess.
B: Yes, the poems that rhyme and are easy to remember.
A: Like "One, two, buckle my shoe."
B: But people still write poems.
A: No one makes any money at it.
B: Shakespeare was a poet.
A: Did he get rich from his poetry?
B: Probably not.
A: Poems are a little bit like songs.
B: Yes, but songs have music. Without music, songs would suck, too.
Dumb and Happy
A: How smart are you?
B: I don't know. I think I'm average.
A: Did you ever take an IQ test?
B: No, I never did. All I know is that I got A's and B's in school.
A: I wish I was really smart.
B: Don't be ridiculous.
A: What do you mean?
B: If you're going to make a wish, wish that you were really rich or famous.
A: Don't you ever wonder what it's like to be super-smart?
B: It must be very lonely.
A: Why's that?
B: Because if you're super-smart, no one understands what you're saying.
B: I don't know. I think I'm average.
A: Did you ever take an IQ test?
B: No, I never did. All I know is that I got A's and B's in school.
A: I wish I was really smart.
B: Don't be ridiculous.
A: What do you mean?
B: If you're going to make a wish, wish that you were really rich or famous.
A: Don't you ever wonder what it's like to be super-smart?
B: It must be very lonely.
A: Why's that?
B: Because if you're super-smart, no one understands what you're saying.
Live from NBC 4!
A: I missed the TV news last night. What was on?
B: Nothing that would pass as news.
A: What's the weather going to be like this weekend?
B: I don't know. Whenever the weather comes on, I switch channels.
A: What was the lead story on the news?
B: Some actress was in court for driving without a license.
A: What was the second story?
B: Some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
A: What was the third story?
B: A bull chased a man in a supermarket.
A: Wasn't there anything about Octo-Mom?
B: Of course. She's going to hire a nanny for her eight infants.
B: Nothing that would pass as news.
A: What's the weather going to be like this weekend?
B: I don't know. Whenever the weather comes on, I switch channels.
A: What was the lead story on the news?
B: Some actress was in court for driving without a license.
A: What was the second story?
B: Some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
A: What was the third story?
B: A bull chased a man in a supermarket.
A: Wasn't there anything about Octo-Mom?
B: Of course. She's going to hire a nanny for her eight infants.
Life after Death
A: What are you going to do about your death?
B: Well, mostly I'll try to avoid it.
A: I mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
B: My wife and I will be cremated.
A: Are you going to be buried next to each other?
B: Oh, no. Our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
A: You're not going to be buried?
B: A coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
A: Yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
B: Children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
A: That's true. A cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
A: We figure our kids can visit us whenever they go to the beach.
B: Well, mostly I'll try to avoid it.
A: I mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
B: My wife and I will be cremated.
A: Are you going to be buried next to each other?
B: Oh, no. Our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
A: You're not going to be buried?
B: A coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
A: Yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
B: Children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
A: That's true. A cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
A: We figure our kids can visit us whenever they go to the beach.
Wipe Your Feet
A: Did you wipe your feet?
B: Yes, of course I wiped my feet.
A: Then why is there mud on the carpet?
B: I don’t know. It’s not my mud.
A: Well, someone brought it into the house.
B: Look at the bottom of my shoes—they’re clean.
A: Of course they’re clean. You left all the mud on the carpet.
B: Okay, I’ll get the vacuum cleaner.
A: Don’t vacuum it now.
B: Don’t you want me to clean up the mud?
A: Wait till it dries. It will be easier to vacuum.
B: Next time I will be more careful.
B: Yes, of course I wiped my feet.
A: Then why is there mud on the carpet?
B: I don’t know. It’s not my mud.
A: Well, someone brought it into the house.
B: Look at the bottom of my shoes—they’re clean.
A: Of course they’re clean. You left all the mud on the carpet.
B: Okay, I’ll get the vacuum cleaner.
A: Don’t vacuum it now.
B: Don’t you want me to clean up the mud?
A: Wait till it dries. It will be easier to vacuum.
B: Next time I will be more careful.
Mother’s Day
A: What are you getting for your mom?
B: What are you talking about?
A: Sunday is Mother’s Day.
B: This Sunday?
A: Of course. It’s all over the news.
B: I thought it was next Sunday.
A: Well, you’d better get her something.
B: I’ll get her a nice card.
A: Is that it?
B: Yes. That’s all I ever give her.
A: She raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
B: It’s okay. She knows that I love her.
B: What are you talking about?
A: Sunday is Mother’s Day.
B: This Sunday?
A: Of course. It’s all over the news.
B: I thought it was next Sunday.
A: Well, you’d better get her something.
B: I’ll get her a nice card.
A: Is that it?
B: Yes. That’s all I ever give her.
A: She raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
B: It’s okay. She knows that I love her.
A New Flag
A: I don’t like our flag.
B: What’s the matter with it?
A: It’s too much like other flags.
B: Yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
A: A flag should be pretty.
B: What should our flag look like?
A: It should have a pretty woman on it.
B: That’s ridiculous!
A: You don’t like pretty women?
B: Of course I do. But not on our flag!
A: Every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
B: You can’t go to war carrying a flag with a woman on it!
B: What’s the matter with it?
A: It’s too much like other flags.
B: Yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
A: A flag should be pretty.
B: What should our flag look like?
A: It should have a pretty woman on it.
B: That’s ridiculous!
A: You don’t like pretty women?
B: Of course I do. But not on our flag!
A: Every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
B: You can’t go to war carrying a flag with a woman on it!
Work up an Appetite
A: I had a busy morning.
B: What did you do?
A: I watered all the plants.
B: You have a lot of plants.
A: Then I did my laundry.
B: That takes some time.
A: I took the dog for a walk.
B: I’ll bet he enjoyed his walk.
A: I vacuumed the entire house.
B: That’s a lot of work.
A: And then I made lunch.
B: I’ll bet you were hungry!
B: What did you do?
A: I watered all the plants.
B: You have a lot of plants.
A: Then I did my laundry.
B: That takes some time.
A: I took the dog for a walk.
B: I’ll bet he enjoyed his walk.
A: I vacuumed the entire house.
B: That’s a lot of work.
A: And then I made lunch.
B: I’ll bet you were hungry!
Dialing for a Dollar
A: I don’t have long distance service with my home phone.
B: So how do you make long distance calls?
A: I use a calling card.
B: Where do you get that?
A: I buy it at the dollar store.
B: How much is it?
A: It’s one dollar for 100 minutes.
B: That’s only a penny a minute!
A: It’s a great price. But you have to dial a lot of numbers.
B: How many?
A: First you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
B: Yikes. I think I’ll keep my long distance service.
B: So how do you make long distance calls?
A: I use a calling card.
B: Where do you get that?
A: I buy it at the dollar store.
B: How much is it?
A: It’s one dollar for 100 minutes.
B: That’s only a penny a minute!
A: It’s a great price. But you have to dial a lot of numbers.
B: How many?
A: First you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
B: Yikes. I think I’ll keep my long distance service.
DATING
A Blind Date
A: I’ve got a date for you.
B: Oh, really?
A: Are you interested?
B: Maybe. What is she like?
A: She’s got a great personality.
B: Uh-oh. That means that she’s fat and ugly.
A: She’s cute.
B: Okay, so she’s not ugly; she’s just fat.
A: She weighs 98 pounds.
B: Okay, she’s not fat. So what’s the problem with her?
A: Who said there is a problem with her?
B: The problem is she has no problems—she’s too good for me!
Let’s Have Dinner
A: I think you’re very pretty.
B: Thank you.
A: Would you have dinner with me?
B: I would like to.
A: Can I pick you up Friday night?
B: What time?
A: Eight o’clock.
B: That sounds great.
A: We’ll go to a French restaurant.
B: I’ve never been to a French restaurant.
A: I think you’ll love the food.
B: I’m not going to eat any snails!
Blue Eyes
A: You have pretty eyes.
B: Thank you. So do you.
A: I wish my eyes were blue.
B: What’s the matter with green eyes?
A: Nothing, except my favorite color is blue.
B: Maybe in your next life you’ll have blue eyes.
A: But what if I’m a fish in my next life?
B: I think some fish have blue eyes.
A: I hope I don’t come back as a fish.
B: I hope I come back as a cat.
A: Cats have beautiful eyes.
B: I would love to have blue cat-eyes.
True Love
A: I love you.
B: I love you, too.
A: I loved you the first day I saw you.
B: It was love at first sight?
A: Yes, it was love at first sight.
B: I didn’t love you at first.
A: I know. I had to chase you for a while.
B: Yes, you chased me and then you caught me.
A: Now you’re mine forever.
B: And you’re mine forever.
A: We’ll grow old together.
B: And be happy together.
Ask Her Out
A: I’m in love with that girl.
B: Have you told her?
A: Of course not.
B: Why not?
A: She would laugh at me.
B: How do you know?
A: Because they always do.
B: Maybe she’s different.
A: They’re all the same.
B: Just ask her out to dinner.
A: And then what?
B: And then she’ll know that you like her.
A Night by Himself
A: Give me a hug.
B: I’m not in the mood.
A: What’s the matter?
B: I saw you looking at that woman.
A: What woman?
B: You know, that woman with the big boobs.
A: I was not looking at her.
B: You were, too.
A: I’m not interested in her.
B: Then why were you looking at her?
A: I was looking at something else.
B: Oh, really? Then spend tonight looking at the sofa.
Go on a Blind Date
A: Would you like to go on a blind date?
B: You must be joking.
A: No, I’m serious.
B: I don’t want to date a blind woman.
A: A blind date doesn’t mean that she is blind!
B: What does it mean?
A: A blind date is a date with someone you don’t know.
B: Why would I date someone I don’t even know?
A: To try something new and exciting.
B: What if I don’t like her?
A: Then you don’t date her again.
Two Pineapples
A: I have a date tomorrow night.
B: Really? Who with?
A: A girl I met at the market.
B: You met a girl at the supermarket?
A: She was standing behind me in a really slow line at the checkout counter.
B: What did you say to her?
A: I had two pineapples in my cart, and she asked, where I had found them.
B: She asked you about your pineapples?
A: I told her I had gotten the last two on the shelf, but I
offered her one of mine.
B: That was nice of you.
A: She asked me how she could return the favor, so I asked her out.
B: Sometimes a slow line can be a good thing.
One Date Only
A: Did you have a date Friday night?
B: Yes, in fact, I did.
A: Who did you go out with?
B: A man I met in a coffee shop.
A: Where did you go?
B: We went to a nice restaurant.
A: Anywhere else?
B: Then we went to a jazz club.
A: That sounds like a nice date.
B: Yes, it was pleasant.
A: But you won’t date him again?
B: No. He was nice, but there was no chemistry.
A Bad Date
A: I had the worst date the other night.
B: What happened?
A: First of all, he was half an hour late.
B: That’s not a good start.
A: Then he didn’t bother to apologize.
B: That’s rude.
A: Then he drove too fast to the restaurant.
B: That’s dangerous.
A: I thought about getting out and taking a taxi home.
B: What happened at the restaurant?
A: We had a $40 meal, and he left a $1 tip!
B: I guess you can’t go back to that restaurant.
Sweet Dreams
A: I don't like that man.
B: Why not?
A: He's a dirty old man.
B: What do you mean?
A: He's old enough to be my father, yet he asked me out.
B: Well, you can't blame a man for asking.
A: He should act his age.
B: But a lot of old people are still interested in dating.
A: They should find a nice hobby.
B: Just wait until you're 50 years old.
A: Dating will be the furthest thing from my mind.
B: That's what you say now. Wait till you're 50.
B: Why not?
A: He's a dirty old man.
B: What do you mean?
A: He's old enough to be my father, yet he asked me out.
B: Well, you can't blame a man for asking.
A: He should act his age.
B: But a lot of old people are still interested in dating.
A: They should find a nice hobby.
B: Just wait until you're 50 years old.
A: Dating will be the furthest thing from my mind.
B: That's what you say now. Wait till you're 50.
I Love You More than Money
A: Does your girlfriend ever make you angry?
B: Sometimes.
A: What does she do?
B: Just yesterday, I told her I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world.
A: That was a nice thing to say.
B: That's what I thought.
A: What did she say?
B: She laughed! She didn't believe me.
A: That wasn't very nice of her.
B: She said that nothing is more important to me than money.
A: What did you say?
B: I told her I wouldn't trade her for any other woman in the world.
B: Sometimes.
A: What does she do?
B: Just yesterday, I told her I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world.
A: That was a nice thing to say.
B: That's what I thought.
A: What did she say?
B: She laughed! She didn't believe me.
A: That wasn't very nice of her.
B: She said that nothing is more important to me than money.
A: What did you say?
B: I told her I wouldn't trade her for any other woman in the world.
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